Could you please deadline ASAP by EOB?

victim of the e-Society, tips & tricks to survive


Since yesterday I’m seeing a therapist. I seem to be having some sort of adverse reaction to several keywords, which tend to bring my zen state of mind out of balance. Since a couple of weeks I freak out when hearing or reading words like DEADLINE, ASAP, COB or EOB (mostly they ARE actually written in uppercase). When they appear I become very aggressive, which is why I’m now consulting a therapist.

She said that I should try to stress the ‘possible’ in ASAP. However in most cases, my ‘possible’ is not the other party’s ‘possible’. Let’s be honest ASAP has become a synonym of ‘now’, no more no less. Goose bumps appear everywhere when reading ‘End of Business’ and at that stage I just want to drag that person through the UTP cable.

What did I miss? What happened? I have the impression that everything has to happen instantaneously, no time to waste and if you can’t handle it, we will definitely find someone who can… That could be the slogan of multinationals: “yes we can, can you?”.

Let’s just assume that eBusiness, internet and e-mail integration started booming in 1997, 1998. That means that just more than 15 years ago, people worked differently. People used the phone (no mobile) more often, faxed or used regular mail… and were more social (read: face to face). I can imagine that deadlines (newspapers, magazines and alike excluded) were different and ASAP still had its original meaning. I wonder if words like COB and EOB even existed at that time.
And we were more zen… Weren’t we?

Headaches, another reason why I see a therapist.
So here’s my secret, the new anger management in e-business = re-defining your vocab, simple.
“You deadline me my friend, you dare to deadline me? Just wait and see how dead this line is,” and I punched him in the face. That’s also why I’m seeing a therapist, I deadlined one of my superiors. You know the thing is I started to give the words a personal meaning. Just to cope. I know the verb “to deadline” instead of the noun “deadline” just doesn’t sound that good, but it can be a relief if you deadline someone.
For ASAP, just pronounce it the Jamaican way: “C’d ya please do this ‘ass up’ man?”. No problem, I can even do it ASS DOWN!